Rehab...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:09 pm

@ sweet... thanks ..sorry to hear about the complications...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:11 pm

@ Sharmila

Good article on in-laws:

All men and women should realize that when they get married, they have
created a new family. Your new husband or wife becomes your new
family. Everyone else is part of the "extended" family -- which means
they should not be as close to you as your spouse. Your mom, dad,
sisters and brothers lose their priority and importance in your life.
If you are not ready to place them below your mate, then you probably
aren't ready to get married.

This is a very difficult concept for many parents to embrace. After
all, they spend twenty or so years being the number one person in
their child's eye. They sacrificed so much to bring their child to
this point in their life. But hopefully, they have reared their
offspring to become adults, not to stay as children. Many men and
women have to respectfully, but forcefully let their parents know that
they are all grown up and that their husband/wife is now their number
one priority and center of their life.

Here are some tips on dealing with in-laws.

* When you are first married, DO NOT live with in-laws (unless it is
your country's custom). If you cannot afford a place of your own,
then why are you getting married now? I can't emphasize this point
strongly enough.

* Make a rule that your in-laws cannot just "drop by" the first year
or more of your marriage. Better yet, live at least an hour or two
away from them so you can work on building your own relationship
instead of spending so much time with other family members.

* If you spend more time each week talking with your parents (in
person or on the phone) than you do with your spouse, then you know
something needs tweaking in your relationship.

* If you and your mate argue or fight, resist the temptation to run
home to your parents. You need to learn to solve the problems in your
relationship and running away prolongs the solution. Telling your
parents about all your marital problems makes it difficult for them to
support your marriage.

* If you need advice on a problem you are having in your relationship,
every once in a while talk it over with your in-laws. They will be
honored that you came to them for advice and they probably have some
good insight into your mate that you could never get from your own
parents.

* Remember that every time you bad mouth your in-laws in front of your
mate, you are tearing up someone they love.

* Show your in-laws kindness even if they are unkind to you. "Turning
the other cheek" will earn you so much respect from your mate and your
in-laws.

* You do not have to visit your in-laws every time your spouse goes to
visit his family. If they get offended, they need to grow up.

* Send notes and cards to your in-laws from time to time. Sign your
name only so they know it is just from you.

* Do not let your parents or your in-laws pressure you into having
"grandchildren for them." If and when you have children is NONE OF
THEIR BUSINESS. If you need them to "get off your back" tell them
that having children is a private matter between you and your spouse
and that you will let them know when you are expecting.

* If your parents or in-laws are rude, nasty, hateful and negative,
you do not have to visit them. You can't choose your parents but you
can choose your family. Just because someone gave birth to you does
not give her any right to ruin your day. Don't feel guilty for not
visiting extended family that is abusive or demeaning to you, your
spouse or children.

* Come up with a good game plan for holidays. (see my article -
Decision Time)

* If you are not already engaged, try to spend as much time with the
in-laws as possible, especially if your sweetheart is close to his or
her family. You need to know what you are getting into.

* Another benefit of getting to know your potential mate's parents is
to see what type of person he or she will potentially become in 10, 20
or 30 years. Our parents do pass on their genes to us and like it or
not, we often "become like our mother/father."

One final bit of advice for you and your in-laws. Love them, like
them, tolerate them or simply respect them. There is no room in a
blissful relationship for hate.

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Re: Rehab...

Post  sweet on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:11 pm

hi slaakie,welcome!
@shami hello? Smile

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:12 pm

Hey Shami and Slaakie...

just so you know everyone is welcome... even if we piss each other off or not..thats what makes the posts interesting...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:15 pm

Hi Sweet!

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Masithole on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:15 pm

Welcome Lulu. Can i get u a drink mam??? afro

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Re: Rehab...

Post  rainbowjnb on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:17 pm

Cool then. Thanx. I look forward to getting to know everyone better post BB

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:18 pm

@ Lulu

Hon are u kidding me..i tell my family that they will all..and i mean all 52 of my first cousins will come and beat the shit out of me... just watch my big fat greek weedding..thats my family..the greek side..and well the grooms family is my man's side... we are different cultures but it does give us a good few laughs at each othjers family... the problem i have with my sister-in-law is that when my hub gets irritated with her and it takes all of 5 mins into her visits he dumps her on me with the " Babes you have 52 fisrt cousins and about 23 that annoy you..how much harm if it becomes 24"... then nerve...

hey guys i have to run... will be online for a small part of tomorrow morning then have a meeting... but lets see how we can keep this going...

sleep with the angels...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:18 pm

Ladies I had a look at the website that Electric Eric suggested and it does look & feel the same as our BBA website hey

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:21 pm

@ Masithole..........anytime girl!

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Shami on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:23 pm

Hey Sharmila thanks for the welcome...lulu...sweet...slaakie

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Re: Rehab...

Post  sweet on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:24 pm

@lulu which site was that?can i check it out?

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:26 pm

I'm out going on the other website,

Bye girls

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:31 pm

@ Sweet

Heres the link:

http://www.mnet.co.za/profiles/go/ForumListing.aspx?selnav=6

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Masithole on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:31 pm

Have to bounce too. See yall ppl later on or tomoro.

Enjy

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Re: Rehab...

Post  sweet on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:33 pm

[quote="Lulubelle"]Ladies I had a look at the website that Electric Eric suggested and it does look & feel the same as our BBA website hey!can i check it out?

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Lulubelle on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:35 pm

@ Sweet

Once ur there click on GO CHAT

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Re: Rehab...

Post  sweet on Mon Nov 12, 2007 5:48 pm

Lulubelle wrote:@ Sweet

Once ur there click on GO CHAT

i went der,it really look like bb forum!nice
@at everyone that is leaving bye...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Miss Mo on Mon Nov 12, 2007 6:11 pm

Hey guys, i'm in but still gropin in the dark and tryin to find my way round here. Very Happy

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Tue Nov 13, 2007 8:49 am

I agree guys..the website that electric eric suggested is much more like home...lets rather meet up there..this is just a bit too much work even for me... Laughing

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Shami on Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:00 am

wat site are u talking about Rolling Eyes .......so this one should be abandoned Sad ???

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POINTY IN DA HOUSE Y'LL

Post  Pointy on Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:06 am

Very Happy

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:57 am

@ Shami... no not at all.. i am just saying that we check out both and which ever one we as a majority feel comfortable with by the end of the week will be the one we should use...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Sharmila on Tue Nov 13, 2007 9:58 am

welcome pointy... i have to go to a meeting now..will check in later... enjoy...

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Re: Rehab...

Post  Staldo on Tue Nov 13, 2007 1:55 pm

Am confident that this will work out, try & look 98 days back, majority of us found it utterly difficult to move around BBA forum but with time we became the experts, so my dear darlings give this board time. It will be just fine Very Happy Very Happy Very Happy




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Re: Rehab...

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